Miranda and Her Dumb Bag

Its no secret that I hate Miranda from Sex and the City. She's like this made-up character of every woman I could never stand in life. The hair, the clothes, the attitude, her weird mouth, everything about her - I hate it. Hate hate hate.

Now, I own most season of Sex and the City, excepting Season 3, which I've only seen once. Today I've been catching up on old S3 episodes and I realized something very serious.

In S2, Miranda has the worst fashion sense out of any season. There's one episode specifically where she goes to the zoo with some idiot guy and his kid (who she later smacks in the face with the bathroom door). She's wearing this horrible bamboo print piece of shit halter top/long skirt combo that reminds me of that time Maria made the kid's clothing out of the curtains in "The Sound of Music". Totally fucking awful. Anyway, she's carrying this bag that is made out of bamboo and has plastic (yes, plastic) lining. Because having a purse you can actually see through is so handy and all.

Fast forward to today and lo and behold! Here is that fucking ugly bag again...back to haunt me. Why was this bitch even on the show? To give me something to make fun of? Ugh - they should have killed her off in season 2.

Twitter is for Twits...and Twats.

I don't even understand Twitter and I already hate it so much I could cry. When I asked a friend recently what the hell it is, they said it basically gives everyone a fast way to explain what they are doing right now. My reaction to this is, who the hell cares?

I certainly don't give a shit what Lance Armstrong is doing right now. Or any other celeb for that matter. In addition to this, I don't give a shit what anyone is doing right now, unless I specifically ask. And I certainly don't care if anyone knows what I'm doing every waking moment of the day.

But one thing I do want to know is why this thing has such a following. People really seem to get a kick out of "tweeting". (Yeah, seriously. Thats what they call it. Can you fucking believe THAT?) I'll admit, I have a facebook account. For all of you who don't know, facebook has a status update option for everyone, so in a way, I guess that is sort of like tweeting. To me, Twitter just seems like a roided up, obnoxious version of the facebook status update. A land of nothing but status updates, all kept under a certain character limit of I think 150.

I think its pretty cuntish to assume that all of the people who "follow" you on Twitter give a damn what you're doing. Do you tweet about taking a dump from your Blackberry while sitting on the toilet? Exactly how far does this tweeting go?

I already have major beef with assholes who over-use their cell phones in public and I think tweeting definitely falls into this category. Pretty soon we are going to start seeing headlines in the news that read, "Tweeting Woman in Traffic is Direct Cause of Deadly Car Crash".

I'm gonna go ahead and say without holding back that I think Twitter is for people who need attention. Save your status updates for Facebook. Or just wait until someone asks you what you're doing. Assuming everyone cares is just a big fat joke in itself. Now I know I have some friends out there who have Twitter accounts and might think I'm being a bit harsh by saying these things, but hey - you know me. When have I ever been known to hold back? No hard feelings, just keep your tweeting far away from me.

Get yo' French on!

My friend Zack reminded me the other day that it was Bastille Day. Actually, he didn't remind me, he just sent me an instant message saying, "EAT FRENCH FOOD TODAY". I could not imagine why he was so insistant, so I looked at a calendar and realized it was a French holiday. Whoop-te-do! Or shall I say, Ooh La La!

As most of you know, I went to a Le Cordon Bleu culinary academy and was trained in classic French cuisine. Unfortunately, veganism and French food just don't really mix very often, but I think thats crap!

So here is my attempt at celebrating my inner-Frenchness. I have posted 5 vegan AND gluten free recipes on http://www.myveganplanet.com/; all converted French classics. But don't get too excited, because I'm sneaky. Only one recipe will be available every day for the next 5 days, so you will have to visit the site every day to get the full set. Since I'm nice, I'll give you the first one for free: http://www.myveganplanet.com/2009/07/vegan-artichoke-soup/.

But you don't want to miss this, folks. They are all really good recipes. If you want, you can sign up for the rss feed on the website, which means you'll get an email notifying you every time a new recipe is posted to the site (no spam or email addy sharing, I swear).

With all of the really exciting stuff out of the way, now I can share my favorite French song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X5hrUGFhsXo

This has to be the one of the funniest things I have ever seen in my life. But seriously, I'm waving my French flag as I watch it.

So there you have it. Bon appetit!

Gluten Free Me

So I've decided to go gluten free for a while and see how it affects my health. I always thought gluten free diets were only for hippies, but then I remember that hippies eat granola and GRANOLA HAS FUCKING WHEAT IN IT, TOO.

I know there are tons of foods that don't have wheat or gluten. I know this. But they all suck and I want my bread back. As Dad says, though, you've got to endeavor to persevere, and I'll give it a full few months of trying before I throw in the towel.

The first thing I've noticed so far is a raging headache that started the day after I went gluten free. This headache has not yet stopped, so thats nice. Apparently, you can have withdrawl sympoms from the stuff. But I've also recently cut out refined sugar, so that makes a difference, too.

Yesterday I made a killer potato salad, though, so I'm not suffering from lack of things to eat.

It still confuses me how literally every person I've spoken to, every testimonial I've read, and so on...people claim that giving up animal and wheat products improves their health greatly. I can honestly say that going vegan has improved my health on a large scale. Will that work for everybody? Hell, I don't know. And I'm certainly not going to preach to any of you about what you should and should not eat. I catch a lot of bullshit from people who want to have arguments with me about how "humans need their milk and meat, Goddammit!" and so on, but it usually just goes in one ear and out the other.

So today I'm going shopping for gluten free breads and other various products that seem interesting. I'll post a bread recipe for the time being just in case any of you are gluten free - I know my friend Jayne just recently went for it.

Oli is concerned that we aren't ever going to get to go out to eat again, but I don't think that will be a problem. I know there are always loads of gluten free items on the menu at places, and most of them are vegan, too. I love going to restaurants, but I always sound like Sally Albright ala When Harry Met Sally when I order. Now its just going to get worse, and I can picture Oli sinking further and further into his chair when I open my mouth to ask 1000 questions to a waiter that doesn't know shit about shit. Should be fun. I love a challenge.

I'll tell you what, Mexicans have got it right. Plenty of beans, corn, rice, and salsa - its all you need. The occasional green veg would be awesome, too, but hey - I'm not complaining. And I'm not talking about the cheesy Tex-Mex stuff (which kicks ass, too, but is totally not healthy - I don't care what you say), I'm talking about interior Mexican food.

Here's a recipe for a really nice gluten free bread - only issue is that it has to be made in a bread machine. I haven't tried it yet, but I'm going to. I've also got some sweet gluten free recipes for flatbreads on my website, www.myveganplanet.com

Peep the robot bread: http://glutenfreegoddess.blogspot.com/2009/02/delicious-gluten-free-bread.html