Is there some kind of middle ground between being a kid and growing up? Oh yeah, I think so, and its called being 24.
I thought being 15 was the most horrible time of my life. I thought I knew everything, but I actually knew nothing, I couldn't legally drive yet, so I had no way of truly escaping, I was awkward, bitchy, and constantly grounded.
So basically, nothing has changed in ten years except for the fact that I have real, grown up responsibilities like paying bills, having a job, and having some sense of direction. Now this really pisses me off. I feel like I've been cheated. My whole life I've been anticipating being an adult and when I was a kid, all the adults in my life always told me, "Don't wish away your childhood, Jade!" And I'll be damned if they weren't all right. Son of a bitch. Foiled again.
I think I've hit my quarter life crisis. I'm at the point where I'm longing for my lost childhood. The pleasure of being able to spend the day doing whatever the hell I want and not feeling guilty for it. The thing is, I feel like as adults, we would all be happier if we focused on being more like children. If you look around you, children are the only real happy people out there. There has got to be a happy medium between being a boring, unhappy grown-up and being a carefree, happy child. And dammit, I'm going to find it.
I look back at some of the accomplishments I've made so far in my life, and while yes, they might not be as amazing or glorious as my elders planned out for me, I'm pretty proud of myself. So why can't I shake this feeling that I'm not doing what I'm supposed to do? Why do I constantly feel guilty that I don't want to live the life of a wage slave in a job that I hate doing whats necessary just to live a life that somebody else says is the "right way to live"? I mean, what is the right way, anyway? To me, the "right way" is probably just doing what feels right to you, and making it work.
As I approach 25 and being to realize that my days of doing foolish things and getting away with them for the sake of just being young and stupid are nearing an end, I'm faced with the harsh reality that life may really be as boring as it appears to be. This cannot be.
You know, once upon a time, my life goal was to have so much money that I could do anything I wanted. Now, my life goal is to live on the beach in Costa Rica with my husband and children, pick some fruit, and drink gin and tonics in the sand while listening to Paul Simon.
Maybe its a wrong fantasy to have, but I really don't think so.